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scribbles

the host in the TV show said:
how long does it need to master the technique?

that, and images of beautiful colored glass in blazing fire
finally pulled me off my bowl of instant noodle
and made me pay attention to what’s going on on tv.

they said there’s only two traditional glass blowing workshops left in all Syria.
apparently the profession is in decline.

the elder glassblower answered in an unfamiliar tongue – might be arabic or any dialect used in Syria –” well it depend on the individual. one might only learn one year and mastering it already.one might learn for ten years and still not become expert.it will depend on how hard you work. and you also have to love it”

all that came into my mind was, that that formula is relevant to all.
are you a glassblower, are you a nuclear scientist, a waitress, a ceo, bank clerk, musician, magician, doctor, or an art director *yeah*,

you have to love what you do.


|the tv show is: Feast Bazaar 2006. august 13, 2009. not perfectly quoted, based on my memory
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“you’re getting anxious when you hear nothing for the longest time.

but don’t you know silence is not nothing.

it is something. many things perhaps.

it’s actually quite heavy.

because it’s pregnant with hope.”

 thursday afternoon ten past two. 28.05.09. red office.

pre-post

before, is always on the head of after.
future naturally follows past.
no chance yesterday and tomorrow would share the same room.

forging full speed chasing tomorrow,
some forget about yesterdays that had formed their very self.
some foolishly clutching the shadow of the past
till they forgot to finish their race.

but worse of all
are the ones who always were and always will…
but never are.
ones who forget to hold the string that ties yesterday and tomorrow
to feel the thin line called present.

if you believe life is a constant flux,
tomorrow would be now now would become yesterday.
yet yesterday will always around.
tomorrow will always be there.
and now…now is always with you.

seize tomorrow as you like,
forget or hold on to yesterday as you wish,
but if you can help it, never,
ever let the present slips off your embrace.


from the one who always aloof and never be present

just as every parents must unintentionally or secretly have his/her favorite child,
i’ve too failed to be fair towards my mind & heart.
all my life, my heart has always win over my mind.
ignorantly i let her have her way, no matter stupid that way were.

as naturally as any right-brain-driven being,
i listened to my heart much more than i listened to my mind.
when i pondered, sometimes my will showed up
and coerced me to listen to my mind.
but he knew i would eventually turn a deaf ear towards mind
and take heart’s side.

i never realized the damage caused
by always giving my heart anything she desired.
that poor spoiled thing can’t bear a simplest disappointment.
never took a no, or a blow, she cracked when she got one.
leaving me desperately trying to mend her.

the worse thing is,
while i was drowned in all my effort to mend my crippled heart,
i just realized that i’m loosing my mind…

[at the end of a supposed inspiring uplifting day. which i stupidly concluded]

i should’ve killed it.

because it’s killing me.



when it was here

it’s killing me.

now it’s slipping away

it’s killing me.



still  i’m trying to relive it.

although it’s killing me.

am desperately keeping it burning

no matter how it’s killing me.


i see now. you see now.

i am a fool after all.

“hei…, what are you doing”
she asked the girl
“i’m weighing”
said the girl
“what are you weighing?”
“emptiness”
“ow…. so how is it”
“it’s heavy….this emptiness…is so so heavy”

she remembered a similar conversation she once had
with another weary discontented being
“……so fucking lonely.
everything is meaningless.”
she hesitated before asked “how come?
thought you just said you’ve reached your dream.
a bright star. ..got friends, career, everything”
“dunno…but here i am. incredibly lonely”
“mmm……”
she understood..really…
couldn’t offer any solution though.
she might know an answer,
but the answer was for her, might not fit him.

if you have a slightest clue,
how could emptiness exist.
how could there be loneliness
how could it feel like nothing,
when one have everything,
please let them know.

I denied myself nothing my eyes desired;
I refused my heart no pleasure.
My heart took delight in all my work,
and this was the reward for all my labor.

Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done
and what I had toiled to achieve,
everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind;
nothing was gained under the sun.
[King Solomon in Ecclesiastes]

wuiiihh…..

ga terasa empat taon lewat sudah

sejak pertama kali menginjakkan kaki di ibu kota ini.

delapan belas oktober dua ribu empat

resmi dimulainya babak baru yang bikin babak belur ;)

Waktu itu personel gank surabaya masih lengkap.

ada hendro, erwin, shirley, inge, keju, martin, niki.

Yang tiga balik surabaya, yang lain menikah, sedang satu lagi ga tau kabarnya.

tersisa hendro, shirley, aku, yang ajaibnya bisa balik kumpul di satu kantor lagi

di taon ke-empat ini, dan juga niki yang makin sukses sebagai sutradara.

Nah, kalo dina makin sukses sebagai apa dunk?

Sukses sebagai art director?

hmmmmmmjaaaauuuh

Sukses sebagai freelance designer?

not really

Sukses dalam pelayanan?

kacau balau

Sukses sebagai teman?

*nunduk sambil main-main jari

Sukses dalam percintaan?

hmmfffbbwahahhaha

…..

ya sudahlah, selalu ada hari esok kan?

AnugrahNya selalu baru tiap pagi ;)

the remain of gank surabaya

the remain of gank surabaya