my surabaya state of mind

  1. prepared for the heatwave to struck the moment i stepped onto the landing field
  2. don’t care if it’s south west east of north. it’s just surabaya
  3. wherever i go there’s always a battalion of mosquito ready to dive-bomb me
  4. lia and herman and their stories and calvados and 369 and boncafe.
  5. the rising appetite for anything spicy!
  6. out of touch with reality but to be gripped by a harsher reality
  7. where all swallowed bitter pills seemed to somehow find its way back through acidic fluid up to the throat again
  8. agus and meme and the endless arguments and the night rides
  9. as soon as i get to this city, it gets on my nerve
  10. rawon, soto gubeng, pecel, nasi campur, pentol, pangsit mie
  11. nuts. nuts. those heavy incessant snores that topped a restless sleeps
  12. if there’s an emotional thermometer you’ll find my temperature always run a little too high here
  13. do you know the feeling of waking up to sounds of banged doors and shouts?
  14. yes. i spent 22 years in here. what about that?
  15. my failure entangled with theirs
  16. the picture is similar with the one in the proverbs, where it is said better to live on a corner of the roof
  17. and oh the uncles. couples of uncles who practically camped in my parent’s front room every day. o the agony of having to sweet talk them, to match their welcoming smile with my own fake smile, to go through all their questions and smoke before i find safety on the cooler confinement of my room
  18. my room which no longer mine.

december. two weeks before christmas. twenty seven and six month after i was born.

born in this city where i’ll always find the best food but never a peace of mind.

twenty two years in it. but when i walked on its riverbank of memory, strangely enough i could never find the root from which i was sprung

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4 comments
  1. BO said:

    hmmm …

    • dina said:

      hmmmm….? :D

  2. angie said:

    somehow….i know these feeling u have …somehow….

  3. dina said:

    O i bet you do!

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