my surabaya state of mind

prepared for the heatwave to struck the moment i stepped onto the landing field
don’t care if it’s south west east of north. it’s just surabaya
wherever i go there’s always a battalion of mosquito ready to dive-bomb me
lia and herman and their stories and calvados and 369 and boncafe.
the rising appetite for anything spicy!
out of touch with reality but to be gripped by a harsher reality
where all swallowed bitter pills seemed to somehow find its way back through acidic fluid up to the throat again
agus and meme and the endless arguments and the night rides
as soon as i get to this city, it gets on my nerve
rawon, soto gubeng, pecel, nasi campur, pentol, pangsit mie
nuts. nuts. those heavy incessant snores that topped a restless sleeps
if there’s an emotional thermometer you’ll find my temperature always run a little too high here
do you know the feeling of waking up to sounds of banged doors and shouts?
yes. i spent 22 years in here. what about that?
my failure entangled with theirs
the picture is similar with the one in the proverbs, where it is said better to live on a corner of the roof
and oh the uncles. couples of uncles who practically camped in my parent’s front room every day. o the agony of having to sweet talk them, to match their welcoming smile with my own fake smile, to go through all their questions and smoke before i find safety on the cooler confinement of my room
my room which no longer mine.